Everybody talks about women’s role and capacity to be and to do wherever they want, but usually once a woman has a baby she is a mother first, and perhaps something else after.
Once you have children, our priorities change and interests alter. Parenting is always questioned, but its important to know every person has different needs and social pressure to raise kids to be perfect is often too high and unrealistic.
In my case the result of trying to be a perfect mother led me into an anxious mode and depression. Not that I don’t want the best for my kid but I saw myself struggling to find common sense and I think I finally found it.
HI I’M LAURA, NOT JUST MY KIDS MOM
The division between a “Good Mothers” and myself ( The bad mom) was brought after my kids got into preschool a situation got my attention: During a school event many of the mothers just talked about how busy they were with their children activities,food,etc, etc. When I started talk about my own persona, my projects, I saw panic in their eyes. I felt I was bothering them by talking about something that wasn’t about their offspring.
The reverse situation also happened to me and many times I felt left aside, because after I had kids my friend with no kids stopped inviting me for social events. It caused me to wonder how to fix it because I was not fitting anywhere.
So, I set a strategy to show everyone I was alive and I am Laura and not just a tired busy mom ( even if I was much of the time). I planned some parties at home and invited a different group of people ( with kids and no kids, different backgrounds, etc) and I opened my heart telling about how good it is to be a mother but I’m the same person as before and showed I was interested in many other things beside just Motherhood.
My friends were not only problem to battle, I was going against the crowd considering that where I live I don’t see people comfortable with kids in social situations, many times I see people rolling their eyes when I walk in with my kids to restaurant or airplanes for a trip. YES! sometimes they don’t behave perfect but my life would be miserable stuck at home. Life must goes on!
PLEASE THE SOCIETY OR MY FAMILY?
Some cultures says kids came after and need to adapt into our world not opposite. Well, For those women that really enjoy to live for their kids, they have all my sympathy, but what I hear and see on social media are complaints and complaint, so much that if I had no kids I never would desire to have one, because the whole situation seems very traumatic.
Kids need socialization and to learn to be independent, and Mothers need their own time as well. – ” if mommy is happy everybody will be” – I say it because, kids are great body language readers and they will know you when you tired, stress or unhappy.
“The Emotional Bond between a mother and a child should be strong enough to make the child feel secure, but without becoming over- protective, in order not to stifle the development of his personality”
DON’T STRESS OUT!
I give McDonalds for the kids once while, but I also teach them how to cook, I don’t force them to eat vegetables, but I eat vegetable in front of them. It’s a fact that children learn more from what we do rather what we say for them to do.
I have three kids and need to approach each differently. I know the way I raise them seems totally opposite of the Ideal mother should be, but if it is not me and not what I believe, why should I do?
The essential :
“Always talk with your kids looking in their eyes and make sure you have Quality Time with them. We don’t need to play with them the whole day to make them happy” – Laura Lewko
Kids need to know they are the best decision we made and part of our happiness, not creatures that came into the world to make mommy tired and stressed.
Us women need to know how to balance and have our lives and live the life we want not the one society says. We need to find balance and be honest enough to put ourselves first sometimes, a good example would be when you’re on an airplane the emergency recommendation is put your oxygen mask first then put the mask on your kids.
So trust your instincts and relieve the stress from your shoulders. Take care of yourself, life is short. One day kids will leave and you will once again be challenged with redefining yourself to deal with an empty nest.